1-28-10

Weight: 119.6

Intake: 2 cups of coffee (120 cal.)


Yesterday was good. I kept busy and only thought about eating a couple times. Thinking about eating when you're hungry is like thinking about vomiting when you're drunk: If you keep thinking about it you'll end up doing it. Does that make sense? Haha As long as you distract yourself and keep your mind on something else, you'll do well. But then again, distracting yourself isn't always easy which is why I think we mess up.

I don't think I'll have time to eat today either. I'm getting my hair done then going to work. Hopefully by the time I'm off work I'll have plans with friends.

Have a wonderful day ladies :) Stay strong!

Weight: 119.6

Sorry I haven't been updating these past 2 days. I've been too ashamed to talk about how much I've been eating. But I've been purging as well, so I guess that's helping. I'm finally out of the 120's again! Which means that maybe, just maybe, I might actually get down to 115 by next week. We'll see! Hope you're all doing well :) Stay strong!

Here's the plan.... 1-26-10

Weight: 123


Today was terrible... I'm over it. Tomorrow is a new day!

So right now my goal is to be 115 by February 5th. That gives me 9 days. I'm thinking I'll be lucky to get down to 118, but it's always worth a try.

My next goal is to be 110 by March 1st. This is actually a reasonable goal although I always have trouble getting down to 110. But I am going to reach this goal. I know it!

I also have some fantastic news to report: I'm moving out of my parents house! And out of state. My uncle has agreed to let me live with him free of rent. My sister might be moving with me as well. This means that losing weight will actually be possible. The temptation will practically disappear! My days will be filled with worrying about work and school instead of simply eating and watching tv. My uncle has a dog so I'll probably take her for walks everyday. I may even walk or ride a bike to work, we'll see. God, I'm so excited right now! Is it possible to be this happy and this fat?! Hah

I hope you're all doing well :) Stay strong!

Weight: 124

I didn't eat at all yesterday. The only calories I got were from coffee and beer. But today was a complete fail. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Let's never eat again

Let's all become unrealistically thin.
Let's prove them wrong.

I cracked... 2 bowls of ice cream and a nutri grain bar, followed by regret and a cigarette. That's usually what ends up happening. I get all fired up about getting skinny again, then I get bored, then I eat. I must avoid boredom at all costs.

How are you all doing?

Weight (1-20): 125.6

So I didn't eat at all yesterday... I literally slept all day. But at 12:30 this morning I cracked and had oatmeal, pudding, a piece of fried chicken, and a piece of bread. Usually I'd purge afterwards but there's a few holes in my mouth where my wisdom teeth used to be... so that wouldn't work out very well. I've done terrible today. I had just finished a bowl of soup I'd eaten, with tons of crackers, and pulled ice cream out of the freezer to thaw when my mom said, "You're too skinny. You're wasting away." I laughed and said, "I've gained 14 pounds since October," and to that she said, "Well, you were looking pretty bad in October." I was at my peak in October! I could be there now if I wasn't such a fucking cow. I ran to the kitchen and put the ice cream back in the freezer. I don't need it. I don't want it. It's just part of this mindless eating I do. Well no more! I'm fucking tired of it! This has to stop.... This is going to stop. I want to be 110 lbs. I want to be 90 lbs. That's what I want most. I want to be able to wrap my hands around my thighs. I want to feel my ribs through my shirt. I want people to tell me I'm too skinny! I'm going to this... This is all I want.

Hello again

I had my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday.. and as the true fatty I am, I was still able to eat. Fuck... I am so fucked right now. I most likely weigh around 125. It's like for the past few months my world has revolved around food. Even when I'm not hungry I'm thinking about food. It has to stop! It's going to stop. I'm ready to start over. Now more than ever. I miss sliding my jeans on perfectly, I miss my flat tummy, I miss my hip bones and my ribs, I miss my collar bones. I miss it all so much! I don't want to look this fat anymore. I don't want to be this fat anymore. I hate starting over but it has to be done...